Bay Area, Sacramento, Dance Parties, Mixers, Meet New People!
FOR MEN ONLY
Women, please do not read this or comment on this discussion -- unless, of course, you have
something to teach us.
If we want to get to first base with women, we've got to honor them. Long ago I was telling my girlfriend that I loved to dance free style, but that I studied partner dancing to be more successful with women. I thought she might not like that -- because my motivation was not purely for the enjoyment of dance, but to help me find a girlfriend. (Some people seem to think that doing something to improve yourself be successful with women is evil. But she didn't think so.)
I was surprised and pleased when she told me that she was impressed by my decision to study dancing. "That's your way of honoring women," she told me. "I respect you for that."
With that in mind, men, let's consider for a moment what women like to talk about. By talking to them about these things, we can honor them. According to research by a well-known dating website, women like to talk about:
Hopes and aspirations. This is the #1 topic for many women. So consider asking a lady questions like: "What are you hoping for this year?" "Do you have an long term aspirations?" Then listen carefully and ask more questions related to what she says. Don't immediately jump into telling about your own hopes and aspirations. Wait for her to ask and then be ready to tell her what your hopes and aspirations are. If she wants to delver into her aspirations more deeply, some helpful questions might be: Do you have a target date? Are there outcomes you want to achieve in say, 6 months? Next month? What are you doing this week to move forward to that outcome? Tomorrow? A related discussion might be: What's the difference between hope and aspiration? How does a desired outcome differ?
Hobbies/interests in general. A good question here is "What do you like to do when you are not...____________ (Here you would fill in the blank with what you are both currently doing.) For example, if you are going to a movie together, you might say, "What do you like to do when you are not going to a movie. Again, don't immediately jump in and talk about your own hobbies and interests immediately. Instead listen and reflect back what she is saying or ask more questions related to what she is saying.
Music Most women love music and love to talk about it. Some good questions to ask: Who is your favorite artist? What decade do you like most? Are there any local bands that you really like? What artists have you heard in person?
Dreams. Years ago we used to have talks by various experts before our parties. That gave the party a more intellectual component and the subject of the talk made a nice conversation starter. Whenever we had a talk dealing with dreams, lots of women would attend. So if you get a chance, ask your potential woman friend about her dreams. "Have you had any interesting dreams lately?" "Did you ever learn anything from a dream?" "Have your heard of lucid dreaming?" Have you ever had a lucid dream? (If you not sure what lucid dreaming is, you can click the link above to learn about it.)
Romance. That's a hard one for many men, because many of us are not so romantic. But let's face it: by being romantic we can honor women. If you're not so romantic, you might say, by nature I'm not so romantic but I'm trying to improve in this area. What romantic dates have you had that you really enjoyed? As she talks, taking careful mental notes! Perhaps later you can then surprise her with a similar (but uniquely different) date.
Friends. It's probably best to keep the discussion about friends general, otherwise it might appear you are probing too much. But since most women love to talk about their friends, it good to open up the topic for discussion. A general question might be, "What do you like to do with friends?" "What do you think makes a good friend?" "Where do you go to make friends?" If she starts talking about specific friends, listen but don't probe!
Travel and Vacations. Yes, women love to travel and to talk about traveling. To get the conversation started you might ask questions like ,
"If you could go anywhere you wanted, and money was no object, where would you want to go?"
"What was your most enjoyable trip?"
"Have you tried any travel clubs?"
"How often do you travel?"
Movies. A movie makes a great date and woman love to talk about movies. Here are some conversations starters: Which movie actor or actress would you love to meet in person? What kinds of movies do you like? comedy? drama? science fiction? mystery? What do you think is the best movie of all time? Do you have Netflix or other movie service? When is the last time you went to a movie theater?
Entertainment. What do you do for entertainment? Have you ever tried something new and found that you wondered why you had not tried it earlier? What's the healthiest form of entertainment?
Conversation Topics to Avoid
I know from personal experience that some women love some of the topics I will list here, but to be on the safe side, since most women don't like these topics, it would be best if we avoided them at first. If a woman broaches one of these subject, be careful. For example, she may want to talk about her past relationships, but probably doesn't want to hear about yours. These topics may be good conversation topics at some time in the future, but probably not when you are first getting to know a woman. If you are into politics, religion, science, antiques, stock trading, or are a history buff, you made be in trouble. Bridle your tongue!
Of course, there are always exceptions! For example, if a woman is a successful stock trader or a history buff or anthropologist or has a degree in folklore (like one of my ex-girlfriends) , she may love to share her knowledge.
Topics Women Dislike:
2. Other dates
3. Past relationships
4. Science fiction
Hope this helps. Men! Please share your thoughts and ideas.